Lonely
by ZaKai
Summary: Everybody gets lonely sometimes, even Roy Mustang. :RoyEd, Oneshot, challenge fic, light angst:


**Title:** Lonely  
**Pairings:** Roy/Ed, mention of past Hughes/Roy  
**Type:** Yaoi, light angst  
**Word Count:** 1,392  
**Rating:** PG13  
**Notes: **Written for 100moods community on LiveJournal  
**Summary:** Everybody gets lonely sometimes, even Roy Mustang.  
—

**Lonely**

—  
Roy looked outside his office window as he stretched. It was late, and the sun had set hours ago, causing his office to go dark except for the small pool of light that shone around the lamp on his desk. His staff had long ago gone home for the night, some of them leaving early with the arrival of Friday.

But he'd stayed. There had been no point to leaving early, Roy had no plans, and the only thing left for him at home was an empty bed and the seductive call of the small bottle he kept tucked away in his nightstand drawer.

With a heavy sigh, Roy pulled out the little black book he kept and flipped through the pages. Most of the names and numbers were fake; the few that were real were informants and spies. He wished they were real; sometimes he imagined they were. Not that it would do him any good. He didn't quite swing that way.

Feeling ridiculously stupid, Roy put the book away and began getting ready to leave. He had half a mind to stop at the officer's club to socialize a little and for a drink, or two, or three, but he was trying to quit. He drank too much. Besides, Roy wasn't sure what he wanted more right now, the liquor or the company.

He didn't want to admit it, but he felt lonely. He'd been feeling lonely all day. It was such an absurd thing because he'd been surrounded by people from the time he'd arrived at work until quitting time. How ridiculous to feel lonely in such a situation.

Turning off the lamp, Roy left the office and hurried out of the building. The sound of his boots against the concrete reverberated loudly in the silent night and for some reason that made him feel even more alone. It was late and either people were at home or they were out having fun. Wherever they were, they weren't here.

As he walked, Roy had the urge to take a detour and visit Maes's home, but he didn't. If he dropped in at this time of night, no matter that his reasons were purely innocent, Maes would be suspicious. He'd think Roy was trying to start something they'd ended long ago. It wouldn't be fair to tempt Maes like that; wouldn't be fair to tempt himself.

Besides, Roy had Ed now, at least in theory.

Ed was probably the worst lover in Roy's short line of lovers. He was out of town most of the time. He rarely called, never wrote. For a teenage boy, sex was so far down on Ed's list of priorities that Roy wondered if the teen had some sort of physical problem. Yet, Ed was insanely jealous of Roy's attention as well. If he even _looked_ at another person—either male or female—in a way that could be taken as 'checking them out', Ed accused him of cheating. But at least the sex was good, when he got it. And the conversation was intelligent and interesting, when Ed was around to converse with.

Stopping at a pay phone, Roy pulled out some coins, put them in the slot, and dialed the payphone in the dorm where Ed was staying. After nine rings, someone answered the phone. Roy asked for Ed and gave his room number. He heard a muffling sound as the soldier most likely put his hand over the phone, then a yelled, "Elric! Phone! Elric! Someone bang on his door!"

Roy was sure the decorum would have been much improved if he would have giving his own name and rank, but he didn't need Ed's whole dorm to know who was on the phone. He waited for a while and listened to the sound of people in the background. He'd almost wondered if he'd been forgotten when Ed got to the phone.

"Yeah?" Ed asked.

"It's me," Roy said softly.

"Yeah I figured. Not like I get that many calls. So what do you want?"

"I thought that we could meet up tonight for a while."

"I'm in the middle of something," Ed explained bluntly.

"I'd really like to see you," Roy tried again.

Ed made a sound of irritation. "I just saw you today." Roy rolled his eyes. Ed had briefly come into his office for a ten minute meeting.

"I'd like to see you in my apartment, naked and moaning my name," Roy purred. Maybe he could convince Ed to stay the whole night, if he could convince him to come at all.

"Don't be ridiculous. I never moan your name. You're the one who is all noisy and stuff. Besides, we rarely strip down all the way to screw."

"It's never too early to start," Roy suggested, feeling a little irritated that Ed was so literal. This is what he got for having an affair with a teenager.

"Well, I'm busy with some stuff I'm researching with Al, so tonight's out. Is there anything else?"

Roy tapped his finger against the receiver as he eyed the world outside the glass confines of the phone booth. Part of him just wanted to say, 'Ed, I'm so damned lonely. Just come over and at least give me one hour of your time. I _really_ need you. I _really_ don't want to be alone tonight.' But he didn't. That would mean admitting something he'd rather leave unsaid.

"No..." he finally murmured. "There's nothing else."

"Okay. Bye," Ed said, and with that, the phone went dead.

Slowly, Roy hung up the receiver, then leaned against the side of the phone booth. He felt both angry and hurt at the brush off he'd received. Ed was a damned _kid_, what the hell did he expect from him anyway? If it wasn't for the fact that Roy had no one else...

His eyes began to burn and he blinked rapidly, forcing the tears away. This was ridiculous. Roy needed a _real_ lover, not someone who was going to go find themselves a wife and leave him alone, or some kid who was practically bordering on asexual and had no idea how to cultivate a real relationship. Not only that but he was tired of being the one who initiated everything. He needed friends who actually called him instead of always waiting for him to contact them. It was all such bullshit. Was it any wonder that he dedicated more time to his career with each passing day?

Feeling disgruntled at his situation and his emotional state, Roy left the phone booth, and walked the rest of the way to his apartment. Pulling off his clothes, Roy tossed them carelessly on the floor and flopped on his bed. He stared up at the ceiling as he thought about things he could do with the rest of the evening, but he finally decided to try sleeping off this strange mood that had gripped him. Tomorrow would be better, he was sure of it.

Resisting the call of the bottle, Roy slipped under the covers, grabbed one of the pillows, and held it close to his chest. The tears tried to come again, and this time he allowed them. There was no one to see this weakness, no one to hear. He pressed his face against the pillow and cried into it for a while, wishing that someone would come and put their arms around him, but knowing that wasn't going to happen, and feeling stupid and weak for wanting it so much.

The tears finally ended, though the loneliness was still deep and painful. But he could handle it. Tomorrow he'd fill his life with activities so that he didn't have time to think about how lonely he was. Maybe he'd go visit Ed's dorm room and drag that brat back to his apartment. Getting laid didn't fix everything, but it would most certainly make him feel a lot better while it happened. Roy smiled to himself in the darkness at the thought, then rolled over onto his other side, and waited for sleep to come.

* * *

I'm going to be at **A-Kon 2009** in Texas at the end of May, cosplaying the ever awesome Roy Mustang. If any of you are going to be there and would like to try meeting up, or just say hi in passing, send me a PM and we'll see if we can work something out. :)


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